Brain is starting to get unfucked

This is a wall of text guys. IMMA be honest… I was too tired for images lol

Disclaimer, I say like a lot, use the word fuck way too much, and go on a lot of digressions. Have fun!

Okay let's talk about the things that I have accomplished already in therapy.

I have completely eliminated my vomiting phobia. I can walk over dried puke without having a panic attack, I can see it on TV without somehow thinking that I'm going to catch it, someone can mention it or I can hear someone had something and I don't like Panic or think I'm going to get it.

Like my most favorite, which is the biggest reason why I started doing this work was; a few weeks ago maybe even a months ago Lucy got in the car and her face was like beat red she “Mama I don't feel good” and I was like what's wrong baby and she's like “I feel like I'm going to throw up” and she's old enough now to know what that feels like especially cuz she recently had a stomach bug. So I was like okay and so I just got things that in case she did, I rolled down the window to get her some air, I gave her some water and got her sweatshirt off because she hadn't taken her sweatshirt off all day. It was fucking 95° out and this girl had not taken her sweatshirt off and I'm like that's why you don't feel good that's why you feel like you're going to throw up because you're overheated.

But like I didn't freak out and I didn't panic, I had a little bit of low level like anxiety for a few hours but like it was not like before. I mean when I tell you then I have spent days, Days panicking over shit like this, I would go to other people's houses if someone in my house was sick. Like I literally spent 4 days with one of my friends in high school because my family had the stomach bug and I didn't want to get it well guess what I still got it and the worst part is is like when these things happen once it's over I'm like why am I so afraid of this like yeah it sucks but it's not like this panic inducing feeling that I get or I used to get I should say.

Cuz this has like impacted me everywhere it has prevented me from being able to order foods in certain places, so when you combine that with the eating disorder issues that I used to have it would literally help me not eat because I couldn't make a decision because the food that I wanted to eat could have food poisoning and then the food that wouldn't was super unhealthy which I know ironic and so I wasn't allowed to eat that kind of shit like when I'm like that in those moods I can't eat anything like that so what do I do? I drink only a protein shake. Which is better than nothing but it isn’t food.

I remember him the first time someone really understood how extreme the phobia was was my freshman year of college and this whole thing happened and I was like literally laying on the floor in my dorm room panicking in the area was like rubbing my arm and talking to me softly and like she she was like I'm so sorry I didn't realize it was this bad I wouldn't have told you so much information and she was like it's just because she's in pain she's not sick like there's nothing wrong she's just in pain… it took a while before I could finally like get with it and stop freaking out.

Like I've stayed away from foods for years because of stuff like that years things that I absolutely fucking love because of these stupid phobias and disorders that I used to have I no longer have these things and it's incredible. Like what she's doing in this style of EMDR is so revolutionary like so revolutionary it's fucking incredible.

There is so much more that she has done to help me and there will be a part 2. Can’t wait for you all to hear how I unfucked my literal Cells.

Much Love

Taylor Cecelia Brook

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