Did your kid die too?

More than likely not, but that's going to be the title of my book.

I started my book… I fucking started my book and I am so God damn excited it's going to be hard as shit to write this stuff guys. Like I'm literally writing about my experience with Lily, like everything that happened before in between and after and it's going to be real and nitty and gritty and raw. I'm just excited about it because like it's been so long since I felt so excited to write something. Not only that, like every time I sit down to write it just comes out.

Yesterday I had my writing group, it was just me and one other girl from the Girl on Fire Collective, but I am so fucking thankful for that because I sat down and in 30 minutes I wrote two whole fucking pages, two whole fucking pages. I've finished my introduction, I finished my dedication, and I started chapter one. Now granted, there's going to be a lot of fucking edits to this, but I took the advice of

cara alwill

and I'm just started writing. It doesn't matter how it works, it doesn't matter how it flows, at this point in time I just need to get it all out. And then, I can go back and look at it, reposition things, restructure things, all that kind of stuff.

But holy shit,

I'm literally getting chills talking about writing this because I just I'm so excited to share with the world. Especially, especially bereaved parents, or parents who are sitting and waiting knowing that their child is going to die or that their spouse is going to die or that they're sibling is going to die. All of those things or their child suddenly died or their you know anything like that, living with anticipatory grief living with grief, and then the subsequent consequence of grief. Which is chronic grief.

There's other grief, like I grieved my grandparents dying, like my one of my grandmothers just died recently and I miss her. Like every time I type grandma on my phone to text my other Grandma, I see her name too and it definitely makes me sad. But it's not quite the same and I won't live with that chronic grief for the rest of my life because of those deaths.

I'm going to live with a chronic grief from my child dying for the rest of my life. If you're a caregiver of someone, especially a spouse, more than likely once they die you're going to live with that chronic grief for the rest of your life and no one talks about the fucking impact of that shit. Especially, when you're young when something tragic like this happens because there's so many things that happen.

So that's what I'm doing. I'm going to write about all of this and I'll share snippets here and there and I'm really hoping that you guys are really enjoying this and that you'll like it and that you'll want to read it but I'm sharing this in hopes that someone will see it and someone will be ready for when I'm done writing.

All My Love,

Taylor Cecelia Brook