Anticapatory grief was the worst part of our whole journey. It was the nights my daughter told us she would be a mom and a doctor and I knew it wouldn’t happen. Or the time she told me all about what her first house living on her own would be like (she would never be able to live alone)
When she was first born, I would drive to cemeteries and look for the best one, with the best plots…and cry and cry. But come home and act like it was all going to be fine. Because we aren’t allowed to talk about such things.
Oh Courtney. I can feel all of this so deeply. I'm so fucking sorry you had to live SO LONG with that anticipation. I can imagine how gut wrenching that was trying to be mom and listen but know they will never happen. Oof I'm literally getting teary eyed thinking about that and the pain I know you felt. Wish I could give you a hug... if you like those :) 🫂🫂
Anticipatory Grief. Such a “clinical” sounding term for such an amazing soul-fuck of contradictory emotions all wrapped up into a knit of human-ness. To grieve something or someone not yet gone is to feel that much deeper love. It’s quite possibly the deepest expression of love that there ever is and could ever be.
We need to come up with a better word for it, cuz the word “anticipatory” doesn’t cut it.
Let me work on this.
It’s probably some masterful anagram of the key letters and sounds in your name and Lily’s name.
I love love love the idea of coming up with a new name for it. I hate it all to be honest. I also would like to find a different word for lily dying and for the day she died
we probably gotta make a big huge list of all the emotions that come out as part of this and then jumble those up into a word of its own.
or, just fall asleep while texting and see what you wrote the next day. That's how Hobbit and I came up with the word "wanglo" which is our own special word for sexual intimacy...ain't it cool?
Thank you for sharing the short life of your beautiful daughter Lily. She deserves to have her story told through you, her mom. Despite the immense pain you must feel, your family's story will help us understand all that you went through and will help support other families with loved ones with similar conditions. Your writing is so poignant. Thank you 🤍
Ok hold up. I think you just gave me the best compliment ever. Wow. I'm a little misty eyed reading this because of how much your words mean to me. Thank you so much. It means the world!
Oh how my heart breaks to read every word of this and yet I admire your courage to write this so much. What you said about anticipatory grief hits right into my heart....yes I know how it feels like. AlsobLove that you're sharing this experience through a book. Much love to you! ❤️
Oh Taylor, I so relate to the anticipatory grief..I have so much admiration for you and I'm so glad you're putting your book out into the world 🤍
Oh gosh I'm sure you do. That is actually something I want to talk about with you on my podcast!! Thank you so much!
Well said ❤️
Thank you. ❤️
Taylor 🥺🥺 This is so moving and beautifully written. 💔💛 You are so brave to share your journey, and I know it will touch so many. 💛
Thank you so so so much
Anticapatory grief was the worst part of our whole journey. It was the nights my daughter told us she would be a mom and a doctor and I knew it wouldn’t happen. Or the time she told me all about what her first house living on her own would be like (she would never be able to live alone)
When she was first born, I would drive to cemeteries and look for the best one, with the best plots…and cry and cry. But come home and act like it was all going to be fine. Because we aren’t allowed to talk about such things.
Oh Courtney. I can feel all of this so deeply. I'm so fucking sorry you had to live SO LONG with that anticipation. I can imagine how gut wrenching that was trying to be mom and listen but know they will never happen. Oof I'm literally getting teary eyed thinking about that and the pain I know you felt. Wish I could give you a hug... if you like those :) 🫂🫂
Anticipatory Grief. Such a “clinical” sounding term for such an amazing soul-fuck of contradictory emotions all wrapped up into a knit of human-ness. To grieve something or someone not yet gone is to feel that much deeper love. It’s quite possibly the deepest expression of love that there ever is and could ever be.
We need to come up with a better word for it, cuz the word “anticipatory” doesn’t cut it.
Let me work on this.
It’s probably some masterful anagram of the key letters and sounds in your name and Lily’s name.
I love love love the idea of coming up with a new name for it. I hate it all to be honest. I also would like to find a different word for lily dying and for the day she died
we probably gotta make a big huge list of all the emotions that come out as part of this and then jumble those up into a word of its own.
or, just fall asleep while texting and see what you wrote the next day. That's how Hobbit and I came up with the word "wanglo" which is our own special word for sexual intimacy...ain't it cool?
Wanglo I fucking love it
Thank you for sharing the short life of your beautiful daughter Lily. She deserves to have her story told through you, her mom. Despite the immense pain you must feel, your family's story will help us understand all that you went through and will help support other families with loved ones with similar conditions. Your writing is so poignant. Thank you 🤍
Ok hold up. I think you just gave me the best compliment ever. Wow. I'm a little misty eyed reading this because of how much your words mean to me. Thank you so much. It means the world!
I’m glad you’re here. 🫂
😭😍❤️ thank you
Oh how my heart breaks to read every word of this and yet I admire your courage to write this so much. What you said about anticipatory grief hits right into my heart....yes I know how it feels like. AlsobLove that you're sharing this experience through a book. Much love to you! ❤️
So much love to you as well. I hate that you know what this is like but it helps having more people in your corner who have walked the walk
Yes it surely helps to share your grief with someone who has gone through a similar thing and understands your pain. 💙