Fuck the Word Belly

Where the fuck is she going with this?

Disclaimer… yes I like the work fuck and yes I say the word Like, way to much. If you can’t hang with that then I’d pop out now :)

I used the word belly today.

I know to many that might be like, “okay Taylor like that's a very common word why why does that matter why would anybody fucking care about that?”

Well let me tell you a story.

I have had an eating disorder for most of my life now. It took until I was post having all of my children, to fully acknowledge that I had an eating disorder. Not only that, I knew probably since college that that was what was going on (gotta love the English language… I could’ve changed it but that wouldn’t have made this fun and truly authentic lol) and I just chose to ignore it like many of us do.

But the word belly has been a huge trigger word for me for my entire life. For whatever reason it grosses me out. I associate it with being fat. The word bothers me so much unless it's used in the context of belly button and then for whatever reason that's fucking fine. But today, today, I actually, said it.

DIGRESSIONNNNNNNNN

Now granted I was telling a doctor something, we were talking about breathing and how I have a pretty large diaphragm block. And that's because I don't breathe properly, because news flash, I've spent my whole life sucking in my stomach and breathing in when I'm inhaling instead of expanding my diaphragm and my lungs. I'm collapsing my lungs, literally collapsing them because… she said because you didn't want to stick out your belly right and I was like oh my gosh yes!

Anyway,

I was like, I didn't even say the word belly until 6 months ago in my head, and today literally today was the first time I've actually openly said it out loud to anyone, to anyone. AND, I didn't have a super strange reaction from it and that was really cool!

So I just wanted to celebrate this Milestone but also just talk to people. Like if you're out there and if you're struggling with food, if food is your enemy, if you and food don't get along; no matter what's going on, it CAN get better and like I'll tell you first hand, like you can rewire your brain to make it get better.

I've got phobias

and anxieties of the Wazoo like and I'm  conquering them and it's been amazing and there's all these different ways you can do that. For me it's been EMDR and reading books on rewiring the brain, lots of meditation, lots of affirmations.

And yeah, I might say I'm skinny 15 times a day, but you know what? If that's what helps me get over my fucking eating disorder and stop having these issues and stop fucking my body over then who the fuck cares?

Why Does It Matter? 

Like why does it matter how and the way I do it? It doesn’t. Literally doesn’t matter at all. So I want people to know that it's okay to tell yourself you’re skinny, to have an affirmation that you're skinny. It's okay, there's nothing wrong with that and it's okay if you can't say a certain words right now and it's okay if you often wonder how the hell you're going to have a healthy relationship with food or how the fuck you're not going to pass this on this on to your children.

That was one of my biggest concerns.

You can overcome this, and you can escape this trap, it's not permanent I see you and I feel you .

Much Love,

Taylor Cecelia Brook