I Wasn't Wearing Panties... Pt. 1

Yes, you read that right

Disclaimer, I say like a lot, use the word fuck way too much, and go on a lot of digressions. Have fun!

Also, this post is long as fuck. I promise it’s worth it

OK, SO,

I’ve dropped hints here and there about how me and my soon to be husband, D, met. That’s not his real name but that is what I call him… outside of the bedroom. However, I have yet to detail this wild, sexy, crazy, very funny, story. Why? Well because I made some unkind choices that would end up hurting someone else, but, god I’m an asshole for saying this, I have ZERO REGRETS.

Courtesy of Hollywood and Pinterest

So technically we met on tinder lol I was NOT supposed to be talking to other dudes. My now ex husband and I had decided to try out an open marriage. Why? Well secretly I had no idea if I was a lesbian, Bi, or just wasn’t attracted to anyone… or just not attracted to him (turned out to be WAY MORE complicated than I thought)… for him it was the concept of me sleeping with other woman… ya. But I was on tinder for the first time in my life, because I met my ex-husband at 14 and was with him until my 29th birthday (everything blew up a week later), and it was a SEA of fucking people.

Anyway, I did not swipe on any guy unless they had already swiped on me (somehow this made the cheating less bad in my brain, don’t ask I don’t get it either)… which, I’m a MILF, so that was a lot. Not trying to toot my own horn there is just a lot of fish in the sea on tinder. But I was scrolling through all the swipes I had gotten, and this guys face pops up. I’m like “Holy Shit he’s gorgeous.” And THEN, I keep swiping on his pictures. My heart started beating out of my chest seeing his shirtless pics because

🚨🚨🚨🚨 HELLO, HOTTIE ALERT 🚨🚨🚨🚨

So I HAD to initiate. So yes, technically, I started the convo, but that was the last time I ever had to :)

We started messaging on snap for a while, probably like a few days. This was after I had confirmed that he was indeed the same person as his Tinder profile. I got catfished too many times… womp womp, another tale for another time lol I was taking no risks… well in the catfishing department.

I was desperate to meet this guy. There was something about the way we interreacted that was just well different. After like 48 hours of chatting and snapping, I asked him when he wanted to meet up and where. He suggested his house. I was a little nervous about meeting him in a non public place for the first time because, of course he lived out in the boonies, like it was a 40 minute drive for me to go see him. BUTTTTTT, he was too much of a magical unicorn (not that kind, IYKYK) for me to turn it down. Like that tells you how much I wanted to sleep with this guy. Yeah, I drove 40 fucking minutes to meet him on a Thursday night… 🫠

So I get ready.

Preface:

my goal with this interaction was to see if I was truly a Dom, or if I had just been with all the wrong men AND women. So our foundation of said relationship was a Dom/Sub relationship. A very relaxed and loose one, but very much still d/s type interactions. D is 100% a Dom through and through so this was my first real chance to see if I was subby at all. I get ready and I am wearing a dress like he wanted me to with no panties…I'm telling you that makes this so much so much better, just keep reading lol I have my hair up all big and at this point my red coloring in my hair was fucking ON POINT. I was looking good…. but I was fucking nervous for like 1000 reasons. I wish I had a pic from that night but sadly I do not. Woops.

Anyway,

The whole fucking drive there I’m nervous as shit. This was not my first time sleeping with a guy. In fact I had slept with a few different guys before D and I even met. All of them had been lackluster. I had this weird excited nervous energy the whole fucking drive. I get to his house and I texted him “I think I’m here?”. And he returned with “you are”. Idk why I found that so funny but I did. Except my danger alerts started flying because of the shitty house next to his. But of course I ignore all of those thoughts lol I’m walking up his sidewalk on the way to his house and it's not, I didn't know what to expect but it's not what I expected, but when he opens the door like all those issues were blown away because his house was immaculately clean and smelled amazing.

Like AHHHHMAZING

I’m a big scent person. It’s insanely important (? That’s not the right word but whatever) to me. Scents in where I live, where I go, and especially the person I’m with. It had been months since I had that part of my senses truly awoken. To top it off his house was decorated!!!!!

I knew he was a single dad. Single Dad's don’t decorate and keep their house immaculate… or do they?

I knew he wasn't looking for a relationship, and neither was I, cuz remember I’m still married. And for him I was “the safe bet” bahahahahahaha

So I knock on the screen door and he invites me in and holy fucking macaroni….

I had to keep my mouth shut for fear of drooling… and ruining my perfectly placed cherry lip gloss… 😂

He knew I smoked weed so he was like you want to smoke? I was like hell yeah! Weed is a fabulous Ice Breaker!

So we were like standing in his kitchen smoking a joint, which eventually became a thing for us, but we were smoking. Randomly he says, “give me just a sec”. And as he’s passing by me in the doorway, because I wasn’t moving if that meant I got a chance to smell him, he touches my hip with his hand.

Holy fucking electrocution

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

He hardly touched me and I was lit up like a mother fucking Christmas Tree. While he is in the bathroom, mouth washing, unbeknownst to me, I’m standing dumbfounded by this single touch and how fucking attractive AND smart AND a genuine good guy. Like my brain was straight up melting. I also was reeling about how amazing he responded to me talking about Lily.

SSSIIIIDDDEEEEE NOTTTTTEEEEEE

That first night we chatted about some really deep shit really quickly. Like why he got divorced, (she got fat… and other reasons lol), why my marriage was open, and then Lily. His response was so fucking genuine that I felt so safe instantly. Not a single moment I was there did I ever feel unsafe. (This is also REALLY important to remember for later). His eyes softened and he said “I am so sorry you had to go through that. I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like.” And he got kind of quiet and I knew in that moment, as he glanced to his daughters bedroom door (who was at her moms for the summer btw), that he truly felt that way and had a good fucking heart. He didn’t even brush it off, he just waited until I was ready to carry the conversation in the next direction. I have a good ability to read peoples energies and can ALWAYS tell if someone is being genuine or lying, except for with my ex husband, but D’s energy aura was just off that charts with brightness.

AND WE’RE BACK

He comes back from the bathroom and says “I'm going to take a bong rip before we go to the bedroom” and I was like okay I'll do one with you and so I go to take a bong rip, more like I was sucking all the oxygen of life into my lungs, and his bowl is really hard to get out of the bong. So I’m holding onto this giant bong and I was just sucking and sucking and I couldn't get the bowl out. So I asked him to pull it out and at that point I had created quite the bong rip, and I’m no quitter and I thought my tolerance was insane,

Kind of like this one

Digression

My tolerance is insane, I just had never had D’s weed… he grew professionally and grew at home for experimenting… I had experiment weed that night.

Annnnd we are back

So I get it all inhaled but I was dying. I was coughing so fucking hard, like so fucking hard that I’m worried I might either pee a little with no panties on OR vomit right there on the spot…. Neither were an option allowed in my brain lol Now, I know what happened to me, but in that moment while in it I was like oh my God, all the sudden I wasn't okay like I was really not okay,

and then, I started to panic.

Why did I start to panic? Well because all the sudden my brain was like oh my God what if you're too high to drive home and then I was like I have no one to come get me like I can't call my husband. He thinks I’m at a fucking chicks house… oops. I’m thinking what do I do? I have no god damn clue what to do and so that caused this control freak to start feeling super weird and then I got a little nauseous. Which just added to the panic because my friend Emetophobia came to join the party. Why was I feeling nauseous? Oh because I was about to Green out. I had no idea what that truly felt like when it was happening because it had only happened to me once before. Think way worse blackout drunk.

But that was about to happen so I'm like “I need to go lay down”. Apparently he thought I was wanting to have sex 😂😂 I mean he had no idea the insane battle happening in my head. And that was what I came to his house for. We lay down and I think this was the night he turned on anchorman and I will never stop teasing him about it… anchorman is NOT an aphrodisiac. Eventually he was kissing me. He kissed me a few times and it was so frustrating, not because he was kissing me but because the kisses were so fucking incredible and I felt so fucking terrible.

The electricity, the energy, and the emotion I felt with these kisses was unbelievable. Literally. Like I still feel this way everyday with him. I still sometimes can't believe that I'm fucking feeling that kind of energy. The energy was insane but I was not okay. I told him I really need to lay down and he's like okay! So we're laying there and he's like you can just chill, just like relax, whatever. So I was just chilling and I thought I was okay. I said to him “I think I'm going to be okay” and then he pulled me to the edge of bed and I sat up and within like 5 minutes sitting and I was like “Nope! Not okay. I need to lay back down”. I was so embarrassed by this point because I could only think about how fucking insane this was and what he would tell his friends about me lol

Anyway, he was like oh okay and let me lay down. Then I'm just laying there and he asks me “can I do anything for you?” I was freaking out at this point like straight freaking out. I was panicking because I was like “oh my God what if my husband finds out.” And all the other crazy perceptions that come with what I was doing plus, I had also lied to D. He had no idea that I was lying to everybody. He thought this was all honest and truthful and open. So like there's just so many variables and I can't fucking drive and I need to go home, like I need to go home. You know when you just don’t feel good and all you want is your bed? It was weird because I was so comfy, but I was just too panicked to be able to chill. Had I given it another hour I would’ve been fine… but you can’t reason with panic.

Side note: that bed is now my sanctuary. It’s where I go when I need to recoup, rejuvenate, and be at peace.

So I asked him to turn on dancing fruit vegetables, my sister told me that it helped her friend not green out. He said the best he could do was Cocomelon. And I was fine with that so he turned it on for me, all while thinking wtf is up with this chick, because he's a super amazing guy. Then I asked for ice because when I'm super super anxious I want to be as cold as possible. I was laying it on my forehead, my stomach, and then I got hella thirsty, and instead of asking for water; my high ass bites the corner off the bag of ice and I just started drinking it from that tiny hole. I was setting it on my face for it to melt and drinking the ice cold water to try to calm myself down and I just could not get myself to calm down.

Finally I was like “fuck, I need to call my sister”

THANK FUCK, my sister was staying in my guest house for the summer. So I call my sister, my fucking baby sister who was NOT even 21, I'm like hey I just greened out at this person's (notice my use of non gendered pronouns? ya because I was lying to her too) house, I need you to come get me. She asked me where I was and I dropped her a pen on Snapchat and then I asked her to stay on the phone with me please because I'm not okay. Of course she did, and then she talked about anything and everything because I told her I didn’t care what she said I just needed her to keep talking to take my brain off my anxiety. Let me tell you something,

My sister is the best sister in the whole fucking world.

She talked the whole drive to D’s house. There was no questions for from her, there was no like what the hell are you doing, nothing. My sister dropped everything that she was doing and came and fucking got me. While she's driving there and I'm on the phone, poor D feels so bad. He told me later that he didn’t know what the fuck to do so he just did what he would want and gave me as much space as possible. He started cleaning and playing music on his phone… that was the night I discovered we have the same taste in music lol.

Meanwhile I'm just chilling there in his bed, in a dress, with my legs spread open because I needed airflow, and I have no panties on…. Ya… Every now and then he would just walk by to check on me and I'm oblivious to it all except for the good ass music coming from his phone… while he cleaned.

Digression time.

This man was cleaning… Fucking cleaning. I had NEVER seen a man, outside of my clean freak dad, clean. I lived in a disgusting mess if I wasn’t able to clean, because my ex sure as shit didn’t do any cleaning. So D cleaning just added an extra level of sexy to his rating.

Anyway,

he told me later “I could see your pussy the whole time I was walking around cleaning.” But he didn't take advantage of that, or of me and was like just being a literal gentleman for this situation. Eventually my sister got close and I told him she was almost here. So he walked me out, after helping my walk across his very small living room. But when we got to the door I said bye and just took off because I was just so GD embarrassed AND I didn’t want my sister seeing that D was a dude…. and then I waited for my sister because she was like a minute away and I got in her car and she drove me home.

I kept my eyes closed the whole way back to my house and then by the time I got home I was fucking fine. I only got so fucked up because I was panicking about something that I shouldn't have been panicking about or maybe I should have but whatever.

But it doesn't end there

I went back to his house the next night.

MWAHAHAHAHAHA

That is the end of part 1.

Stay tuned for part 2 next week!

As always,

Much Love,

Taylor Cecelia Brook

P.S. You wanna know the two things that always make my day? Comments and restacks. I’d love you FOREVERRRRRR :)