You can find all things Colin on his Substack:
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Okay, awesome.
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Dave, you have a bougie microphone set up over there.
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I really like it.
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Okay, and you've got animals as your background.
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What are those?
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Those aren't zebras.
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It's an acappie.
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So I've got an IT company and we rebranded a few years ago and we wanted to call it
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something unique and different.
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And also it's an endangered species.
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So to highlight the fact it's endangered.
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So we called it Okapi technology and yeah, it's all about the Okapi.
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Yeah.
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That's really cool.
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That's super cool.
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I just started asking questions right away.
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On that note, we are back.
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I'm Taylor Cecilia Brooke.
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I'm here with Colin Durant from Colin's Chronicles, which I love that yours is Chronicles as well.
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But we are joined here today by Colin.
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Thank you so much for joining me.
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Would you like to introduce yourself?
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Ah, crumbs.
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Yeah.
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I don't even know where to start.
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I do so many different things.
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I've been running... Yeah, I kind of got two sides to me, I guess, my personal side and my business side.
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So I've been running IT company for the last 25 odd years.
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And I...
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kind of like just a small little it company and i specialize in cyber security as
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well and i've written a couple of books on cyber security um but i'm really trying
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to evolve more into the into the i guess more into my authentic self and my true
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self which is really helping people suffer less if if that's um kind of that's my
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purpose really and um yeah i've been on quite a
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journey in my life and been through a lot of kind of suffering,
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I guess,
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and depression and all the rest of it and discovered some work only a couple of
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years ago,
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which really changed everything for me and really made a huge difference.
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So it's really just trying to help other people with that through the fact that
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I've been through that and spent a long time going through that and then discovered
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that actually there is a better way to life and a better way to live life and just
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trying to help other people,
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really.
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I totally, I totally understand.
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And for people who don't know, Colin and I know each other from Substack.
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And I would say like, a good majority of your writing is very practical advice on just how to be happier.
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And how not to be stuck in the miserable because it's so easy to get stuck there.
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And I know you know that.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, it's very easy just to get just the grind, the daily grind and things.
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And it's just really getting people to understand that they're in charge of their
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life and they're responsible for what they've created in the past.
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And when you understand that you're responsible for your past,
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you can then go,
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oh,
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actually,
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then that means I can create a better future for myself.
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And then that makes all the difference in the world because then you're actually
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creating your life on purpose rather than just trying to survive.
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Oh, that's so true.
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You hit the nail on the head with just trying to survive.
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I think for a few years, that was me.
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I was just trying to survive, trying to make it through to the next day.
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And I was so miserable.
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And I honestly thought that I was stuck.
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I was going to feel this way for the rest of my life.
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And so being able to pull out of that and know that like,
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no, it doesn't have to be like this, you know, is amazing.
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And I wish that I would have had,
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you know,
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all these people that I have found on Substack within the last six months,
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I wish I would have had them like five years ago.
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Yeah.
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I think a lot of the stuff that I've gone through would have gone a little bit
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differently had I found all these people,
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because I don't know about you,
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but the community aspect of Substack is so unique compared to any other online
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community and platform that I've interacted with.
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Yeah, it's nothing like anything else.
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I just hope it stays that way and they don't sell it off to someone else or something like that.
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But yeah,
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I think like most people on Substack,
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we stop spending time on other platforms because it's just not the same.
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It's really, really not.
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I have no desire to be on any other platform anymore.
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And I always said I only stayed on social media for the nonprofit.
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then once i closed it down i still had this blog um but i hated all the social
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media aspects of it it's just so fake and obnoxious and just there's so many things
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that you have to do just for someone to like pay attention to you and that's just
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not my jam so i i do still have a facebook but solely for marketplace because you
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can't go on there without a profile
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I find with Substack that you're building something, aren't you?
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So, you know, you're building your subscribers and that sort of thing.
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So you're definitely building something as opposed to like with Facebook and Instagram,
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you're not really building anything,
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you know.
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No, and that's the thing.
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And it was a little bit different in the nonprofit space.
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It was a little bit easier, but not really.
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It's almost like you are building something.
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You're trying to build a following so you can get people to pay you, essentially, to donate to you.
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But it's so hard.
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And the ways that influencers and stuff, the techniques that they use don't work for nonprofits.
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So that was something that I had to really learn and develop and was not expecting
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and have no formal education.
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I'm sure I'm sure you kind of run into that probably unless you have like someone
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who does your marketing for your business.
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Like,
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honestly,
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like I've been on LinkedIn for so long and I've spent so much time on there,
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like trying to build it up and trying to do posts and that sort of thing.
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and just get nothing back and it's just it just feels like a room full of
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everyone's like just trying to sell you they just email you like yeah you know i
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want to introduce you to my company it's like i don't care about you or your
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company like you've never liked any of my posts you've never commented on anything
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like you you're literally like there's no difference to pick up the phone and
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trying to sell to me is it's just you know literally
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So, yeah, I really started hating LinkedIn more and more.
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And I put links to my articles from Substack, but that's all I do now.
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And I have some automated stuff, but I just, yeah, I just have no interest.
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And I stopped reading my messages as well because they're just people trying to sell me something.
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Oh, yeah.
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And then they taste you like, oh, just in case you missed it.
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It's like, no, I deliberately missed it.
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Deliberately missed it.
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Your message is really boring.
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No, I deliberately missed it.
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Yeah, it's just filled with people who are just not operating at their highest self.
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And that's what I'm all about.
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I'm all about trying to get people to operate at a higher level.
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And LinkedIn just represents people that I don't want to be around in general.
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You can't say every person, but in general.
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Yeah, I totally get that.
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It's funny because my dad...
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it has like this weird relationship with LinkedIn.
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He only goes on it when he's ready to get a new job.
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I think that you know, there's like better ways.
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He's like, Yeah, but this works for me.
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And then I don't have to do it the real way.
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And
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Like, okay, old man, sure, whatever.
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You do you.
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So you have this masterclass coming up, right?
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Yeah, yeah.
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So I'm working on a couple of things.
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One of them is my book.
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So I've got a lot of content for another book.
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Well, two books, actually, because someone else mentioned.
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Because I do a lot of, like, ancient stories.
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I love them so much.
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Yeah, so Janet Koch, she said, oh, well, you should just create a book with all your ancient stories.
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And I was like, oh, gosh, that's like ready-made.
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I can just do that straight away.
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That's literally what Kara Allwell does, so you should definitely do that.
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Yeah, so that just involves me pulling my finger on actually doing it.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And then I've got – and then I want to do another book,
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which is really just about my – I guess just about my journey and then just about –
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Yeah, just putting a lot of what I write about anyway into there.
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So again, the content's pretty much done.
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It's just kind of a time thing at the moment.
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It's just like trying to do that and then also write every,
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not every day,
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but I had to stop writing every day because that just became too much.
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But yeah, it's just trying to balance everything.
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And I kind of desperately want to do my book, but like I say, it's just time management, et cetera.
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yeah time management is something that i'm still working on it's it's funny that
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you bring that up because d said to me the other day he was like i think a lot of
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issues adults have is really just boils down to time management challenges like
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that's really where we have to learn how to do better yeah well i i read this uh
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this well i saw this post the other day um and it was a woman saying about how
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she's not busy she's just full
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So it's important, I think, to reframe that whole busy thing.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I'm kind of full, you know.
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Yeah.
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My schedule is a little full.
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And also,
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I think a really important thing regarding around the sort of busy side of things
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and not having time is distraction.
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So we're always got so many distractions.
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And,
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you know,
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we're watching stuff on TV or we're,
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you know,
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scrolling on social media or something like that.
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So there's always it's just being aware of what's distracting you from wanting to
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do what you'd actually love to do.
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yeah no 100 and it's that made me think of what you said to me last week i think
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maybe when the i'm a hot mess post came out um and that that's so true it's just
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distractions and even now like
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So I have the job and my sub stack's going well and like everything's going pretty well.
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And so I was like, okay, I can go back to doing some of the things that I want it.
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No, because it just turned into a distraction.
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I got to this point because I eliminated those things and here I am doing them again.
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So, you know, we're on a good path now and I haven't,
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we're already down like significantly in our our weight consumption and i haven't
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drank in weeks um so it's it's just nice to like work on that balance so next next
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thing to work on is is the phone i just like i've got to learn how to be a
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vegetable while not relying on media yeah there's also this um this exercise you
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know when you when you look at your like
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when there's things that you want,
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like your goals and things that you want to achieve,
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and you look at your future self who's achieved all of that,
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and you go,
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okay,
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so what did my future self do in order to achieve those things?
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Yeah.
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And it's like when you do stuff,
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you go,
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well,
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would my future self be doing this if they actually achieve,
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you know,
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these things?
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And that just, again, kind of helps think about things a bit more and just about, like,
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know like you said about the things that you've achieved now is because you've
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raised your level yeah and then it's just yeah it's just being aware of
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self-sabotage and that sort of thing and yeah i feel like people don't put enough
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emphasis on self-sabotage and i think a lot of people think that you have to be
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mentally unwell to self-sabotage but i think a lot of people a lot of people do it
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to themselves without even knowing it
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Yeah,
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so I think I wrote about the,
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I did a post about money the other day,
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which is,
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to be fair,
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was actually more about belief systems than it was about money.
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But that was just kind of one of the ways that it comes out.
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So when you have these belief systems that you're not good enough and you're not worthy,
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et cetera,
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which are subconscious,
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so you're not aware of them.
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And everyone sort of has a financial, again, a financial subconscious limit.
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So let's say,
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and again,
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people have,
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from their growing up,
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they might have issues about so-called rich people.
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So rich people are evil and all the rest of it.
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So they go, okay, well, when I earn X amount a month,
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then I'll be rich.
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But then what happens then is all this other stuff kicks in going, yeah, but rich people are evil.
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So then they reach that limit.
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Again, unbeknown to them because it's all happening in the background.
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And then they go, okay, well, obviously I can't have this.
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So then they self-sabotage and break whatever they've built.
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And then they go back to whatever, zero, whatever else.
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And then they've got to start again.
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And you see people will have a cycle of this.
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And they'll keep, you know, they'll run their own business or something.
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And they'll hit a level.
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And then self-sabotage.
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It's a level, self-sabotage.
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And unless you're aware of what's going on and you can actually do a deep dive into
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what's happening,
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then you'll just keep doing the same pattern.
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But patterns are really important to look back at what you've been doing in your life.
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Super important.
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For so many things.
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I mean,
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from behaviors to food consumption,
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to what you're ingesting,
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like mentally and everything,
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you know,
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that patterns are how I figured out that,
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okay,
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I don't have a food allergy to this.
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It's actually something else.
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And like that kind of stuff and learning to recognize those in your own self is so challenging,
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but not impossible.
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Yeah.
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And very rewarding.
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It is very rewarding.
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Once you figure it out, it's like, oh, whoa, like super cool.
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All these light bulbs blow up.
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Maybe that wouldn't be that cool, but glass everywhere.
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Unless they're LED.
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So the masterclass, you have the two focuses, you know, you have your ancient stories, which are so cool.
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And I always really enjoy the imagery that you put with it because it's so fitting.
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And it just proves that, like, at least to me, that's a positive way.
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I believe you're using AI for those pictures, right?
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Yeah.
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So, yeah, there's no ways I could.
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I'm not autistic, so I couldn't produce them any other way.
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It's the same, though.
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But, like, to me, that's such a positive way to use them.
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But you're also utilizing it in the way it was, I think, more intended to be used.
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Yeah.
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But well,
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you've learned how to talk to the image creators to create the images that actually
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fit what you're writing about,
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which is tricky.
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It's really tricky.
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And to be honest with you, like the whole AI thing really is about prompting.
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So in order to kind of like nail AI,
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you have to learn how to prompt to get the information back that you're looking for.
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But yeah,
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a lot of the stuff,
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like I think I didn't put it on Substack,
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but like I was trying to get a picture of a bear on top of a man,
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you know,
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like about to eat the man.
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But obviously AI won't.
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won't do certain things because they like you know whatever because they're too
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dangerous or yeah i said something about a bear on top of a man and kind of try to
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tone it down and all i got was this guy smiling with this bear stood next to him
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also smiling
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so i had to but then it will create a really scary image of like a bear which you
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saw in one of my latest posts which is like drooling and all the rest of it and
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vicious you just can't like but yeah and and like um yeah snakes ai can't do snakes
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it's really bizarre you just have like you have like half snakes everywhere and
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then half a snake coming out of the person or the bear or whatever
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yeah so some stuff is really really hard to create but a lot of it is it comes out
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really well that made me the half snakes now you think i saw this picture on
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pinterest once of like this kitchen and at first i was like oh that's a sick ass
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kitchen and then i looked a little closer and there is a curved countertop with
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curved cabinets that concave inward
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in front of a fridge.
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You cannot access the fridge at all.
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It can't open.
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It's just there.
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It's just an AI picture, basically.
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Yeah, yeah.
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I was like, okay, it definitely made that.
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That is not real.
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But it is cool because you can take that and use it as inspiration, which is nice too.
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Yeah.
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Oh, I really liked those cabinets.
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Okay, how do we do this realistically?
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But so what made you get on Substack in the first place?
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Actually, a friend of mine...
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he, what did he do?
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I think he sent me a link to it or something,
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or he,
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he got onto it first and then he put me onto it and yeah,
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I can't,
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I can't remember why I thought that was a good idea.
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Um,
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But yeah, it just kind of worked.
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And then I just kind of started posting on there.
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And obviously,
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whenever you start,
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you just get crickets,
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like literally no one sees your stuff or anything.
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But yeah, it was just persevering.
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And then you start getting a little bit of momentum.
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I tried Medium, and that was just horrible.
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I mean, I just didn't, you know, again, I don't get anything off that at all.
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They did pay me six cents the other day, which I was quite chuffed about.
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But then they then changed it and said,
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oh,
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we're not paying you unless you make like $100 or something like that.
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So I was like, okay, I'm out.
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yeah so i technically post on medium but i don't pay attention to it i literally
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just copy and paste and schedule them and they just go out every week i have no
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idea what's going on over there um the the reason why i did that is to me it just
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gives one more platform for people to find my stuff and yeah they'll they'll find
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my sub stack eventually so it's like
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It's just getting my words out on the internet search engines as much as possible
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because there's just so much stuff out there.
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Yeah, I think there was a case of having to learn about how Medium works and that sort of thing.
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And I was like, ah.
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I don't want to do that.
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Yeah, I don't really.
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I tried and didn't get much back from it.
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And then I'd have to start liking and commenting on people's posts.
(00:20:18):
I'm like, yeah, I just want to stick to one platform.
(00:20:20):
It's a lot easier.
(00:20:22):
it really, it really is a lot easier.
(00:20:25):
And,
(00:20:26):
you know,
(00:20:27):
sometimes I'm one of those people that sometimes I have to go through it all to
(00:20:30):
really get it to stick.
(00:20:34):
Yeah.
(00:20:36):
And, you know, DK telling me he was like,
(00:20:40):
really think you just need to stick to one thing just do stub stack work on that
(00:20:45):
and then maybe maybe do something else but like you just need to do one thing and i
(00:20:49):
was like no no it's fine i'm gonna do this no he was right he usually is too yeah
(00:20:58):
and i think i think subscale can still be your main platform and then you can do
(00:21:02):
you know you can offer stuff like like i said about a master class or something
(00:21:05):
like that and
(00:21:07):
because i want to do some kind of online training course and and just talk really
(00:21:12):
about the belief systems you know the subconscious stuff and then just really about
(00:21:18):
you know and again about intuition work and using your intuition to get answers to
(00:21:22):
things um i don't know if i've mentioned but so i do channeling i don't know if you
(00:21:28):
know what channeling is vaguely
(00:21:31):
So, so channeling is really like you, you kind of, um, I get all my information from someone out there.
(00:21:40):
essentially in the download something like that yeah exactly so that so i almost i
(00:21:46):
almost feel like it's cheating if i'm honest because because i just kind of tune in
(00:21:49):
and i just get all this great stuff through and i'm like okay there you go that's
(00:21:52):
like it does feel like cheating sometimes but and it's funny as well because like
(00:21:57):
there's some stuff um like i'll write it and because the the
(00:22:03):
it's kind of, you've got to be tuned in and just write what comes through rather than thinking about it.
(00:22:07):
Yeah.
(00:22:08):
And the more kind of pure you can be, the better it works.
(00:22:15):
And then sometimes I'll be like, yeah, I don't know where this is going.
(00:22:18):
This is really weird, but I'll keep writing and then it'll finish off and I go, oh, that's really cool.
(00:22:23):
It all kind of comes together in the last sentence sort of thing.
(00:22:27):
So yeah, I've had some really amazing stuff through and it's just,
(00:22:33):
just getting through just getting it across to people so yeah it's just about
(00:22:36):
trying to build some kind of online course or something like that and and as I
(00:22:42):
guess Substack's also about adding value to people so um and again I need to do
(00:22:48):
something around getting paid subscribers so I've got like I said I've got a couple
(00:22:52):
of books out so I want to be offering a book or something like that and
(00:22:56):
Then Gumroad's another thing.
(00:22:59):
Is her name Christina?
(00:23:00):
I don't remember her name.
(00:23:03):
Yeah, so she does loads of great stuff like that.
(00:23:06):
So yeah, I need to put things on there.
(00:23:12):
Because I guess that's the other thing with, like writing a book is a massive thing.
(00:23:19):
both in terms of the time and energy to write the book and all the distractions
(00:23:24):
that come up while you're trying to write the book,
(00:23:29):
which is next level.
(00:23:31):
And then you've got to edit the book and then you've got to get the cover and
(00:23:34):
there's lots of different steps.
(00:23:37):
And then once you've done all that, then you've got to learn how to market the book.
(00:23:40):
And that's a whole different industry.
(00:23:43):
That's a whole thing.
(00:23:44):
So, yeah, that was quite...
(00:23:49):
yeah there's just just kind of touching on that that's just something that's really
(00:23:52):
quite involved that you don't realize you got to do unless you get a publisher of
(00:23:56):
course but then again publishers unless you get a good publisher who's going to do
(00:24:00):
everything for you you know i know because because veronica again i'm really bad
(00:24:05):
with names i don't know her last name the lemon yeah
(00:24:10):
Yeah.
(00:24:11):
So she's got, she's got a publisher for a next book, et cetera.
(00:24:16):
So I think that makes life easier,
(00:24:17):
but,
(00:24:18):
but again,
(00:24:18):
you know,
(00:24:19):
trying to get a publisher,
(00:24:20):
you've got people with,
(00:24:21):
they probably get thousands of people trying to get their book published every day.
(00:24:25):
Oh yeah.
(00:24:27):
So getting through to that,
(00:24:28):
but so again,
(00:24:31):
I guess that's where Substack comes into it a lot is if you've got a lot of subscribers,
(00:24:34):
then it's a really good platform to be promoting your book to and,
(00:24:38):
and sending people.
(00:24:40):
um and getting beta readers and that sort of thing that's i think that that's what
(00:24:45):
the great thing about sub stackers is a lot more interactive with people yeah and
(00:24:51):
that's one of the things i really like about it so i'm doing the serialization of
(00:24:55):
my book and part of me did that for accountability because if i put it out there i
(00:25:03):
have to keep putting it out there which means i have to keep working on it um
(00:25:08):
What I've thought about approaching a few different like publishing houses,
(00:25:13):
just because after reading what Veronica did and a few and reading about from a few
(00:25:18):
other like editors or agents on sub stack,
(00:25:22):
I'm just going to try it.
(00:25:23):
Like, it's not going to hurt me.
(00:25:24):
Nothing's gonna, you know, nothing bad is going to come from me trying to get like, yeah.
(00:25:32):
So, and the only, normally, like if I was writing,
(00:25:37):
Like, I dabble in, like, literature erotica, that kind of stuff a little bit.
(00:25:44):
I would never approach a,
(00:25:47):
like,
(00:25:47):
publishing house for stuff like that because it's just not,
(00:25:50):
like,
(00:25:51):
it's not bad,
(00:25:52):
but it's not,
(00:25:52):
like,
(00:25:53):
I don't know,
(00:25:53):
nothing that needs to be released to the masses.
(00:25:56):
Whereas, you know, this memoir, there's a lot of people who would want to read this.
(00:26:02):
And some, I know people who don't like me will say that I'm being, like, just very...
(00:26:08):
hoity-toity and tooting my own horn.
(00:26:10):
But the reality is there's a lot of people whose kids die.
(00:26:14):
That's just the reality.
(00:26:17):
And I think that's why you would possibly appeal to a publishing house.
(00:26:21):
But the tricky part is going to be one that's OK with the topic and the vulgarity
(00:26:28):
and the way I go about it,
(00:26:30):
which is what I can see holding back a lot of people.
(00:26:35):
You know, I'm a special brand.
(00:26:37):
People don't always enjoy me.
(00:26:39):
And that is okay.
(00:26:42):
Well, I mean, it just comes down to being your authentic self, isn't it?
(00:26:45):
That's all that matters.
(00:26:46):
And I think we've spoken about this before,
(00:26:49):
that when you're authentic,
(00:26:50):
you'll attract the right people around you.
(00:26:53):
exactly and that's yeah you know and um yeah it's it's whether whether you have
(00:27:01):
five authentic people around you or 50 it's better than having you know 10 000
(00:27:07):
people that don't touch your stuff yeah i would rather have you know i think i'm up
(00:27:13):
to like 235 subscribers now which was like because i know like all those people are
(00:27:19):
actually reading my stuff for the most part um
(00:27:23):
So, but I would rather have those because of the relationships that I've developed.
(00:27:30):
I've met so many bereaved mothers.
(00:27:34):
Like it's almost kind of
(00:27:37):
Concerning how many of us there are out there just on Substack.
(00:27:42):
And it's like each time I step into someone else's Substack where they talk about
(00:27:46):
something similar,
(00:27:47):
I find a whole new set of moms who've gone through this.
(00:27:52):
And it's so wild.
(00:27:54):
And so...
(00:27:56):
You were talking about, you know, doing things for subscriptions and bringing in income.
(00:28:02):
And so it's still very much in the beginning phases.
(00:28:07):
But I'm going to be establishing the Dead Kid Club for parents.
(00:28:15):
It doesn't have to just be moms.
(00:28:16):
For parents like me who don't want a traditional grief group,
(00:28:21):
especially for a bereaved parent grief group,
(00:28:23):
a lot of them are just so...
(00:28:27):
It's a lot of box ticking, isn't it?
(00:28:29):
Yes.
(00:28:29):
It's like doing it because that's what you're supposed to do.
(00:28:32):
And I definitely feel like,
(00:28:34):
you know,
(00:28:34):
as someone who's spent my whole life being depressed until the last few years,
(00:28:40):
like,
(00:28:41):
and I tried lots of different things and nothing like traditional therapy never
(00:28:48):
touched it.
(00:28:48):
And it was only when I did something else and found out the reason why
(00:28:57):
and realized that that reason was not real, that I then was no longer depressed.
(00:29:03):
But it's infuriating because you go to the doctor and all they do is throw tablets
(00:29:06):
at you and go,
(00:29:08):
yeah,
(00:29:08):
take these and see if you feel better.
(00:29:10):
It's like, well, yeah, okay.
(00:29:11):
Well, that doesn't solve the cause, does it?
(00:29:15):
Exactly.
(00:29:16):
I finally, finally have a psychiatrist who actually understands that.
(00:29:22):
And she is very...
(00:29:27):
conservative in terms of what she prescribes because of that very reason.
(00:29:35):
She believes that most things can be fixed,
(00:29:39):
but it takes a lot of personal work and the meds are strictly supposed to be a tool.
(00:29:46):
They're not supposed to be a crutch.
(00:29:48):
They're supposed to be a tool to help you get to those next phases where you can work on the next thing.
(00:29:53):
So for me,
(00:29:54):
you know,
(00:29:54):
it's like calming down the OCD so I can work on the eating disorder and the body
(00:30:00):
dysmorphia and the the negative self-talk and self-image type stuff,
(00:30:07):
because once that's down,
(00:30:09):
I can actually work on that stuff because if it's not down,
(00:30:12):
All I can hear is the OCD in my brain.
(00:30:15):
It's so loud sometimes.
(00:30:19):
I don't know if your voices get really loud when you were like really struggling, but mine are obnoxious.
(00:30:25):
yeah so um god there's so much on that the one thing like when i was writing my
(00:30:31):
book like there was this that was the most like intense the the distraction was
(00:30:38):
like oh you got to do this are you going to do this and there's always this thing
(00:30:42):
trying to pull you away from writing um
(00:30:45):
But through all the personal work I've done on myself was just really creating an awareness.
(00:30:50):
And one of my biggest problems,
(00:30:52):
which I still have,
(00:30:57):
but I catch it,
(00:30:58):
is that my brain makes up stuff that makes me really angry.
(00:31:05):
but it's totally made up.
(00:31:06):
So,
(00:31:07):
so,
(00:31:07):
so someone will say something like they,
(00:31:10):
you know,
(00:31:11):
some shopping assistant,
(00:31:13):
you know,
(00:31:14):
was rude to them or something like that.
(00:31:16):
And then,
(00:31:16):
and then my brain puts me in that situation and then I'm like shouting at them and
(00:31:20):
everything else.
(00:31:21):
And then I'm like, no, I'm making that up.
(00:31:23):
And then it dies.
(00:31:24):
But my brain does this like all the time.
(00:31:26):
And it was such a massive, it was such a massive, um,
(00:31:32):
eureka moment whatever you want to call it when i discovered it because i was
(00:31:35):
literally i was walking along and i had three dogs with me so i was kind of
(00:31:40):
managing them and then someone had parked on the pavement so i had to kind of go
(00:31:44):
around you know into the road and then someone parked on that side so it was quite
(00:31:48):
dangerous and then i'm like oh what if like some old lady's walking and then she
(00:31:52):
has to go on the road and this guy he's parked there like an idiot and
(00:31:57):
And then I suddenly realized like I was making all this whole story I was making up and getting angry.
(00:32:03):
And honestly, like my temperature would, I would get hot and my heart rate would increase.
(00:32:08):
Like that's the effect it had on me.
(00:32:10):
And it was a complete story, completely made up.
(00:32:14):
And so I'm really good at catching it now, but I just wish it wouldn't happen.
(00:32:21):
Yeah.
(00:32:22):
It still gets a few seconds of life before I catch it.
(00:32:25):
So it's kind of, you know, it is a little bit annoying.
(00:32:30):
But,
(00:32:30):
yeah,
(00:32:31):
just being able to be aware of that has a huge...
(00:32:34):
Because then I'll be,
(00:32:34):
like,
(00:32:35):
really unhappy for,
(00:32:36):
like,
(00:32:36):
the next few hours.
(00:32:38):
Right.
(00:32:38):
On the story that I made up in my head that doesn't exist.
(00:32:41):
Yeah.
(00:32:42):
Yeah.
(00:32:44):
So it's been really empowering, you know, on that side of things.
(00:32:47):
I bet.
(00:32:49):
I know exactly what you're talking about because...
(00:32:54):
i i'm much much better at it now but the shower is the place that evokes the most
(00:33:00):
of those situations like i i my brain will think of like hey do you remember that
(00:33:06):
thing you saw and then it'll create this whole storyline and like i'll come out mad
(00:33:13):
just mad and none of it's real like it never even happened and it's so funny
(00:33:19):
because because someone else will look at you
(00:33:23):
Like your husband will see you go in the shower, like you're fine.
(00:33:26):
And then you come out and you're mad.
(00:33:27):
He's like, what the hell happened in the shower?
(00:33:28):
Yes, exactly.
(00:33:32):
Why are you mad at me?
(00:33:32):
I didn't do anything.
(00:33:35):
But, you know, that was a huge thing for me as well.
(00:33:41):
Like another breakthrough was the word I was trying to think of earlier was like
(00:33:46):
I'm comfortable with my thoughts.
(00:33:50):
And I think for a man,
(00:33:52):
only from my perspective,
(00:33:53):
is that a lot of men especially are not comfortable with their thoughts,
(00:33:58):
which is...
(00:33:59):
why we go to turn to distraction or drinking or something like that or drugs and
(00:34:04):
all the rest of it is to stop ourselves thinking and having done lots of work on
(00:34:10):
myself like one of the things i was like i was when i had thoughts coming through
(00:34:16):
about my past etc i was like okay hit me with hit me with your worst let's deal
(00:34:22):
with us because that's really what's happening and and i wrote about emotions the
(00:34:26):
other day and these trapped emotions like they're like
(00:34:29):
They're like, we don't want to live in your body anymore.
(00:34:32):
They're living in your body rent free.
(00:34:34):
And they make you sick and all the rest of it.
(00:34:39):
And serious illness, I believe, comes from emotions in your body.
(00:34:45):
And that's why it's so important for you to do your work you're doing,
(00:34:47):
because you don't want all that traumatic emotions living in your body.
(00:34:52):
Oh, and it made me so sick for so long, too.
(00:34:54):
Yeah, exactly.
(00:34:55):
So sick.
(00:34:56):
Yeah.
(00:34:58):
So it's just about being okay with your thoughts and going,
(00:35:01):
okay,
(00:35:01):
let's...
(00:35:02):
And rather than running away from your thoughts and your emotions,
(00:35:05):
et cetera,
(00:35:05):
it's like,
(00:35:05):
okay,
(00:35:06):
come on,
(00:35:06):
hit me with what you got.
(00:35:08):
And then you deal with it.
(00:35:11):
And then the energy dissipates around whatever it is, you know, those thoughts, et cetera.
(00:35:17):
And then it goes.
(00:35:18):
And then the next one, it's like, come on, let's do this.
(00:35:23):
And it's, yeah, like I say, that's just really...
(00:35:27):
it's really empowering and it's really,
(00:35:29):
um,
(00:35:30):
it's just really powerful to,
(00:35:32):
to be able to be comfortable with your thoughts and be able to sit alone and that
(00:35:36):
sort of thing and not seek distraction.
(00:35:39):
Yeah.
(00:35:40):
Yeah, for sure.
(00:35:41):
I,
(00:35:42):
uh,
(00:35:45):
thinking,
(00:35:46):
telling yourself like what's the worst that could happen or telling yourself to
(00:35:49):
give you that worst possible situation,
(00:35:51):
you know,
(00:35:53):
for me,
(00:35:56):
That was like a huge weight lifted off because of all the anxiety that I had over things.
(00:36:03):
And it was like, okay, well, what's the worst possible thing that could happen?
(00:36:08):
And, um,
(00:36:11):
99.9 of the time nothing's going to top what the worst possible thing has already
(00:36:16):
happened for me so it's like okay nothing else seems awful anymore um i mean don't
(00:36:25):
get me wrong i don't want to die i would like to live here a little bit longer i
(00:36:28):
want to see lucy get older but you know a lot of that stuff something as simple
(00:36:34):
Last summer, I was on a jet ski with Dee and I'd get like scared and anxious and nervous.
(00:36:41):
And then like 20 minutes into our ride,
(00:36:44):
I realized like,
(00:36:45):
what is the worst possible thing that could happen to me right now?
(00:36:48):
I fall in the water.
(00:36:49):
Okay.
(00:36:50):
You fall in the water, you hit your head.
(00:36:52):
Okay.
(00:36:52):
You're knocked unconscious.
(00:36:53):
A, you're wearing a life jacket.
(00:36:55):
B, Dee's right there.
(00:36:56):
Like you're not going to die.
(00:36:58):
And if you do die from some kind of freak jet ski accident,
(00:37:01):
like everything's going to be taken care of because that was supposed to happen.
(00:37:06):
So it's just one of those things where like really being able,
(00:37:13):
like you were saying,
(00:37:13):
to recognize it,
(00:37:14):
stop it and have that conversation with yourself.
(00:37:18):
Learning to do that, I feel like is so like priceless.
(00:37:22):
Yeah.
(00:37:22):
Yeah.
(00:37:24):
And I definitely,
(00:37:25):
you know,
(00:37:26):
there's a lot of,
(00:37:27):
I mean,
(00:37:27):
I haven't even touched on dating,
(00:37:28):
but I think the whole dating world,
(00:37:34):
I think that if more people did work on themselves,
(00:37:39):
that it would totally change that sort of things.
(00:37:41):
Because really what you have is you've got people...
(00:37:45):
going through life, who've got all this past trauma that hasn't been dealt with.
(00:37:49):
They've got all these subconscious belief systems.
(00:37:52):
And then they meet someone and they've got like all this baggage and all their issues.
(00:37:57):
Hey, let's have a relationship.
(00:37:58):
It's like, yeah, that's going to go well, isn't it?
(00:38:03):
Honestly,
(00:38:04):
though,
(00:38:04):
I think I brought my own tractor trailer of baggage and he brought his own tractor trailer.
(00:38:10):
Now they're just, they're slowly unpacking.
(00:38:13):
But
(00:38:16):
But it's so true.
(00:38:17):
I saw so much of that when I was, you know, off doing all my little things.
(00:38:22):
There's some really... It gave me some perspective, I think.
(00:38:26):
Like, okay, I'm not as crazy as I thought I was.
(00:38:31):
Because there were some really,
(00:38:33):
really special people out there who really needed to do some work on themselves.
(00:38:38):
But...
(00:38:40):
it's i think there would be a lot less heartbreak and a lot less depression if more
(00:38:48):
people were able to recognize the things that they need to work on and it's so hard
(00:38:53):
because there's so many factors you know there's age and then there's generational
(00:38:59):
trauma and then there's situational trauma and then there's environmental trauma
(00:39:04):
and it's like you take people like anyone who's
(00:39:10):
26 to 35 has gone through some of the craziest things in their lives just in their
(00:39:16):
own you know world we've lived through a terrorist attack and multiple wars and a
(00:39:21):
pandemic and you know all this financial stuff and it's just kind of like you can't
(00:39:29):
expect people to come out unscathed
(00:39:31):
Yeah.
(00:39:32):
You know,
(00:39:32):
unless they have like the most healthy family who proactively does everything,
(00:39:38):
which I just think is impossible.
(00:39:39):
I don't know about, I know you have kids, so I just don't think that's possible.
(00:39:43):
I don't think any parent could be prepared for that.
(00:39:47):
Yeah.
(00:39:47):
I think, um, it is about, it's definitely about dealing with those sort of things.
(00:39:54):
And the thing as well is around.
(00:39:56):
like like we don't watch the news because the news is like distraction central you
(00:40:02):
know it's all these things that are going on in the world that you you can't change
(00:40:09):
so it's fine to be aware of them and everything else but but like your job is
(00:40:13):
really to create a better life for yourself and to focus on following your heart
(00:40:17):
and doing what you'd love to do so
(00:40:21):
And the media's job is really to get you to click a link or to watch their stuff, etc.
(00:40:30):
Most of which is...
(00:40:32):
is contrived or it's not truth it's not true at the end of the day yeah um um so
(00:40:39):
that to be honest like not watching the news i stopped that in fact um going back a
(00:40:45):
long time so you know you remember enron remember when enron the whole thing came
(00:40:49):
out yeah i actually know someone who reported on it yeah so so that was that i
(00:40:55):
think that was my catalyst about
(00:40:58):
About truth,
(00:40:58):
really,
(00:40:59):
and that truth doesn't exist out there because,
(00:41:01):
yeah,
(00:41:04):
whatever you think is happening is not happening.
(00:41:07):
And the same thing, like, I think I listened to the news and I changed the channel for some reason.
(00:41:12):
So there was a robbery about some money was stolen.
(00:41:16):
So the one news channel said, oh, you know, let's say 20 million was stolen.
(00:41:21):
Then you listen to a different channel that says, oh, 30 million was stolen.
(00:41:24):
Then a different one is like, oh, 12 million was stolen.
(00:41:28):
Yeah.
(00:41:29):
Like, like, you know, you know, you're obviously not, you obviously are just making it up.
(00:41:36):
You don't have the facts.
(00:41:39):
Yeah.
(00:41:42):
That just, I was just like, yeah, it's, it's just, and it's all,
(00:41:48):
It's not just about fake news, but it's about distraction.
(00:41:51):
And that's the key.
(00:41:52):
The key is that you're either distracted.
(00:41:54):
I mean, you guys have got your elections, and that's probably the biggest thing, distracting everyone.
(00:41:59):
And that's hilarious as well because people will fight to the death for their belief.
(00:42:07):
I know.
(00:42:07):
It's so strange to me.
(00:42:10):
The only reason you have that belief is because someone told you that.
(00:42:16):
which they could have been wrong.
(00:42:17):
So you're willing to like kill someone because your belief is this is what you believe.
(00:42:23):
And this guy who's coming in is going to be, you know, the savior of the world and all the rest of it.
(00:42:29):
Only because someone said something and you decided to believe it.
(00:42:33):
And it's so bizarre how people fight like cat and dog around politics, etc.
(00:42:38):
And it's like,
(00:42:39):
you know,
(00:42:39):
especially in this country,
(00:42:41):
the reality is,
(00:42:42):
and it's so funny because we've just had a new party be elected.
(00:42:46):
I do want to hear you say that.
(00:42:49):
Yeah.
(00:42:49):
And, you know, and it's so funny because everyone is like, oh, yeah, you know, this guy's rubbish.
(00:42:54):
And now the next, you know, they're going to come in and fix everything.
(00:42:58):
And I said,
(00:42:58):
like,
(00:42:58):
nothing's going to change because the reality is that all these guys went to the
(00:43:02):
same school together.
(00:43:04):
They're all mates.
(00:43:06):
There might be different parties, but that's irrelevant.
(00:43:09):
And then again, and sure enough, we're in exactly the same boat, if not worse.
(00:43:15):
So nothing's changed.
(00:43:16):
We've got another donkey as a prime minister I've never heard of in my life before.
(00:43:20):
He's completely useless and incompetent.
(00:43:22):
Yeah.
(00:43:24):
Literally trying to kill old people is his legacy.
(00:43:30):
And he's just a buffoon.
(00:43:32):
And it's like, well, what did you expect?
(00:43:35):
I mean, so again, part of my...
(00:43:40):
purpose,
(00:43:40):
remit,
(00:43:41):
whatever you want to call it,
(00:43:43):
or messages that I get through is the fact that the whole system is broken.
(00:43:47):
And that's the point.
(00:43:48):
It's like, it doesn't matter who you vote for.
(00:43:51):
It doesn't matter who the prime minister is.
(00:43:53):
They're all part of the same corrupt, broken system.
(00:43:56):
And the system is all about,
(00:43:59):
it's about the few at the top benefiting and thriving because life,
(00:44:05):
you were born in this,
(00:44:06):
you came into this world to thrive.
(00:44:08):
That was the whole purpose.
(00:44:09):
Yeah.
(00:44:10):
of a human experience.
(00:44:12):
But people have come into this life.
(00:44:15):
So sorry, a lot of people are struggling in life, but the few at the top are thriving.
(00:44:19):
And that's not the way the world was designed.
(00:44:22):
It was designed that everyone thrives.
(00:44:27):
But man or mankind has taken advantage of that situation.
(00:44:31):
The same with religion.
(00:44:32):
I strongly believe that religion started many thousands of years ago.
(00:44:38):
It started as something pure and it's been massively corrupted and used as a tool
(00:44:44):
and as a weapon since then.
(00:44:47):
oh a hundred percent yeah so there's all these broken systems that that have
(00:44:54):
evolved over thousands of years and and here we are with all these broken systems
(00:44:59):
and the best thing we can do is not to vote because if no one votes then they go
(00:45:08):
okay we have a problem here
(00:45:13):
I know that,
(00:45:14):
I don't know the figures,
(00:45:16):
but I know that not many,
(00:45:18):
as a percentage,
(00:45:19):
I don't think it's a massive amount of people that vote overall,
(00:45:22):
certainly in the UK.
(00:45:24):
I don't know about other countries.
(00:45:26):
I don't know about the, so I will say, at least in Oklahoma, that is the case.
(00:45:31):
And it's been one of those things that they've been trying to change because there
(00:45:36):
is an influx of more progressive people in the state and they're really trying to
(00:45:40):
get those people to come forward instead of
(00:45:43):
you know, the KKK people that live here.
(00:45:48):
But even then, it's still, and a lot of that, I think, boils down to accessibility.
(00:45:55):
Because that's the other thing,
(00:45:56):
you want all these people to vote,
(00:45:58):
you want their opinion,
(00:45:59):
you want them to be involved,
(00:46:00):
and then you do nothing to help that happen.
(00:46:02):
Like literally nothing.
(00:46:04):
So why are you yelling at us?
(00:46:08):
But,
(00:46:08):
but you also have,
(00:46:09):
you almost have like what,
(00:46:11):
what I can't get my head around is that you have this,
(00:46:14):
you have these history of,
(00:46:15):
of politicians and what politicians do to get into power is that they lie to you.
(00:46:23):
So they lie to you, then you vote them in and then they don't deliver what they do.
(00:46:27):
But this,
(00:46:28):
this is a pattern that happens and it's been happening for hundreds,
(00:46:35):
probably hundreds of years.
(00:46:36):
It's like, why can't you people see what's going on?
(00:46:44):
The definition of a politician,
(00:46:46):
almost,
(00:46:46):
is someone who says,
(00:46:47):
I'm going to do something and doesn't do it.
(00:46:51):
Yeah, that is really what it's become.
(00:46:54):
But people believe so much that this person,
(00:46:58):
and I go back to Hitler as well,
(00:47:00):
because I'm a great believer that Adolf Hitler was a very powerful lesson for everybody.
(00:47:06):
And it's really important that we learn that.
(00:47:09):
What happens when you give the keys to the kingdom to somebody and let them do whatever they want to do?
(00:47:16):
I think it's a really important lesson.
(00:47:17):
I think it's really important that we continue to talk about it and be aware of it.
(00:47:23):
I agree.
(00:47:23):
And not make the same mistake again.
(00:47:25):
And I think, yeah, I think we're...
(00:47:31):
Yeah, we're kind of in a worse system.
(00:47:32):
It's just getting progressively worse.
(00:47:36):
Like I say, with corruption, everything else, and it's just a broken system.
(00:47:40):
Yeah,
(00:47:41):
and I do think,
(00:47:42):
I don't know about anywhere else,
(00:47:44):
but Andrew Eloise from Snowflake Angel Butterfly and I were talking about this,
(00:47:52):
how
(00:47:54):
know the boomer generation and older they were taught not to question anything and
(00:48:00):
they were taught that what they hear is the truth and then they were just fed all
(00:48:07):
of this propaganda that they took and digested as the absolute truth because they
(00:48:14):
were told that these
(00:48:15):
people in power were the smartest the the ones who knew everything the ones who saw
(00:48:21):
everything and that was so far from the truth i mean you've got people in power who
(00:48:25):
have less education than people working at mcdonald's sometimes like it's
(00:48:31):
disgusting to be honest and i think that they have not examined that because of
(00:48:40):
environmental things i think that
(00:48:44):
the environments that they grew up in deteriorated their brain.
(00:48:48):
And often when you have deterioration,
(00:48:52):
it starts happening in that prefrontal cortex where you do a lot of the logical thinking.
(00:48:58):
And you think about all the smoke and the lead and all of that kind of stuff that
(00:49:04):
was in their environments every single day,
(00:49:07):
the chemicals and the poison.
(00:49:09):
And I think that that definitely did not help anything.
(00:49:14):
It made things a lot worse.
(00:49:17):
And I do think that that is possibly why it has taken this long for people to start like,
(00:49:23):
what the fuck is happening right now?
(00:49:28):
Yeah.
(00:49:29):
Could we not do this?
(00:49:30):
Something needs to change.
(00:49:31):
Yeah.
(00:49:33):
I do think,
(00:49:34):
and I hear more people saying that,
(00:49:36):
yeah,
(00:49:37):
things are changing,
(00:49:38):
but not quickly enough and not enough people.
(00:49:41):
Because like, you know, you and I will see something and go, that's just crazy.
(00:49:48):
You know, maybe it's around COVID or something like that.
(00:49:50):
And you go, well, that's completely stupid.
(00:49:54):
But then you'll have loads of other people who will still believe that
(00:49:59):
whatever the lie was.
(00:50:00):
And you're like, how can you believe that?
(00:50:04):
There's literally evidence.
(00:50:06):
Yeah, like I don't want to think.
(00:50:09):
You know,
(00:50:09):
the famous line in the movie,
(00:50:13):
I watched it a couple of weeks ago,
(00:50:15):
where he says,
(00:50:15):
the truth,
(00:50:16):
you can't handle the truth.
(00:50:18):
Yes, yeah.
(00:50:21):
And I think,
(00:50:22):
yeah,
(00:50:23):
I mean,
(00:50:23):
I think some people just want to be looked after and they just want to think that
(00:50:29):
everything's okay.
(00:50:31):
And not take responsibility for their life.
(00:50:34):
And that's the big problem.
(00:50:35):
When you take responsibility for your own life and for your own health,
(00:50:41):
And for your own actions and all the rest of it, then you have a different life.
(00:50:44):
And you realize that you're not beholden to these people who,
(00:50:49):
at the end of the day,
(00:50:50):
their only interest is to make money and have power.
(00:50:54):
That is their only driving force is to make money out of you.
(00:50:57):
100%.
(00:50:59):
And that's what's so heartbreaking to me because money doesn't need to be like that.
(00:51:08):
And this scarcity mindset that we have as a society is just not helping anyone.
(00:51:20):
And trying to get people to understand that money is simply just energy and it has
(00:51:29):
nothing else attached to it.
(00:51:31):
We would have more than anybody could ever need and our world would be better, but...
(00:51:37):
that's too woo woo for some people.
(00:51:41):
Because money.
(00:51:41):
Yeah.
(00:51:41):
I mean, that's what I wrote like the other day about like money is limitless.
(00:51:46):
Exactly.
(00:51:47):
And the universe by its very nature is limitless.
(00:51:51):
So going out into the galaxies, everything else, I mean, that's all limitless.
(00:51:57):
And on Earth,
(00:51:59):
before we had so many humans on Earth,
(00:52:01):
everything was limitless in terms of trees and animals and food source and all that
(00:52:09):
sort of thing.
(00:52:09):
It was limitless until there was just too much of us.
(00:52:13):
And then we just industrialized everything.
(00:52:16):
Um,
(00:52:17):
so yeah,
(00:52:18):
it is,
(00:52:18):
it is all about energy and it's,
(00:52:20):
it's just about,
(00:52:22):
I guess it comes back to loving doing what you're doing,
(00:52:26):
you know,
(00:52:26):
it's doing a job that you love doing.
(00:52:29):
And I'm a massive advocate around that side of things.
(00:52:32):
Um,
(00:52:34):
You know,
(00:52:35):
someone who works at a restaurant and doesn't want to be there,
(00:52:38):
you know,
(00:52:38):
they don't have a great experience.
(00:52:40):
The people, their co-workers don't have a great experience.
(00:52:45):
The customer doesn't have a great experience because they're not loving doing what they're doing.
(00:52:49):
But you get someone who does love that job and they love the interaction,
(00:52:53):
everything else,
(00:52:54):
like everyone wins.
(00:52:56):
And the more we can have that kind of philosophy in different jobs around the world,
(00:53:01):
the better world we'll have.
(00:53:04):
It's really that simple.
(00:53:07):
I so agree with you.
(00:53:08):
And that's so true.
(00:53:10):
And I've seen it in my own self.
(00:53:12):
And I have seen it in my friends and my family.
(00:53:16):
And it's just like, people are so diverse.
(00:53:23):
And yet they seem to think that if we were all to do the thing that would make us happiest,
(00:53:29):
there would be things that wouldn't get done.
(00:53:32):
And there are people out there who would absolutely be perfectly content working
(00:53:39):
the McDonald's drive-thru the rest of their life.
(00:53:42):
There are people who are perfectly content standing in front of a conveyor belt, pushing buttons.
(00:53:47):
Yeah.
(00:53:49):
And that's why those people exist,
(00:53:51):
because the universe knows that we wouldn't be here if the universe wasn't limitless.
(00:53:57):
It would be impossible for us to have been created if there was all these limits and rules on everything.
(00:54:05):
But that's what I wish we could get across to people.
(00:54:10):
Just let people be people.
(00:54:11):
Let them do what they're called to.
(00:54:16):
but apparently that's too risky well i mean it makes sense because the the
(00:54:26):
governments etc they need to control people so you can't control a room full of
(00:54:31):
free thinkers can you no the only way you can control them is by making them scared
(00:54:36):
and doing what you tell them to do
(00:54:38):
So it makes sense.
(00:54:39):
You almost can't be angry with them because they're trying to do their thing and
(00:54:49):
they're trying to control people.
(00:54:51):
Exactly.
(00:54:51):
And that boils down to the risk thing again.
(00:54:53):
And I do wonder,
(00:54:56):
though,
(00:54:56):
I don't know,
(00:54:58):
maybe you have some thoughts on where this might have come from,
(00:55:01):
but the scarcity and the fear that is just like,
(00:55:05):
ingrained into human beings especially as the years have gone on do you think it's
(00:55:13):
potentially like years and years and years of just generational experiences from
(00:55:19):
evolution the people who were you know threatened by animals or threatened by their
(00:55:24):
environment and it just like morphed continuously
(00:55:29):
I definitely think, yeah, there's definitely a generational thing.
(00:55:32):
So,
(00:55:33):
you know,
(00:55:33):
um,
(00:55:34):
and I think one of the biggest issues as well as like,
(00:55:37):
as a parent,
(00:55:38):
when you,
(00:55:38):
when you,
(00:55:39):
you say like a throwaway comment to a child about
(00:55:45):
something like maybe it's a spider or a snake and you're scared of a spider or a
(00:55:49):
snake and you're scared because you were told that and it kind of goes backwards
(00:55:55):
all through time.
(00:55:57):
And it's that throwaway comment that you say something
(00:56:02):
like that that that affects the child especially when you say it a few times and i
(00:56:07):
think that's also where um you know where those belief systems are created like you
(00:56:12):
know the dad might shout at the kid going yeah you're really useless and when the
(00:56:17):
kid hears that enough times he goes well actually i'm useless so i'm going to be
(00:56:22):
useless and that's that's what's so crucial
(00:56:26):
about trying to change,
(00:56:27):
you know,
(00:56:28):
about doing work on yourself and more people doing work on themselves and being
(00:56:32):
more aware of what they're saying and how they're saying it.
(00:56:35):
And the fact that, I mean, you see that definitely in this country and definitely in poorer environments.
(00:56:44):
You know, you'll see a woman, she's got loads of kids and she's screaming at them and all the rest of it.
(00:56:49):
And it's like she's literally creating, you know,
(00:56:56):
She's just perpetuating and creating more children who are going to be screwed up
(00:57:00):
in the future and continue that because people say they're generationally poor.
(00:57:05):
And it's like, well, you're generationally poor because you've been taught that way.
(00:57:09):
But again, you often see how someone breaks through
(00:57:13):
yeah and does amazing things because they've like actually no i'm not i'm not
(00:57:16):
generationally poor like that's just a story which it is it's just a story but but
(00:57:21):
definitely you know like again from ancient times i'm sure because a lot of people
(00:57:26):
have a natural fear of snakes for example yeah um and i grew up with snakes so my
(00:57:32):
dad had a huge collection of of snakes like 150 of them oh my gosh that's a lot of
(00:57:40):
snakes i thought you were maybe like three or four
(00:57:43):
It's a totally different environment that I grew up in.
(00:57:47):
But so many people are just fearful of snakes.
(00:57:50):
They've never touched one.
(00:57:51):
They've probably never seen one.
(00:57:53):
They don't know anything about them.
(00:57:55):
And a lot of it comes from lack of knowledge.
(00:57:57):
So you might be scared of sharks.
(00:58:01):
And I would definitely shit my pants if I saw a shark when I was swimming.
(00:58:05):
but the reality is that people swim with sharks, don't they?
(00:58:09):
Yeah.
(00:58:10):
So there's obviously gotta be some kind of knowledge where that you can swim with sharks.
(00:58:15):
Um, and it's the same as snakes, you know, you can pick up a snake and hold a snake and everything else.
(00:58:21):
And it's really just around,
(00:58:22):
it's around knowledge and it's,
(00:58:25):
and,
(00:58:25):
and,
(00:58:26):
and,
(00:58:27):
and just not believing the story that people tell you about and,
(00:58:30):
and,
(00:58:31):
Yeah, just not believing something because someone says it, I guess.
(00:58:34):
It's like finding it out for yourself.
(00:58:37):
Yeah,
(00:58:38):
that's 100% true because I've never really felt truly afraid of spiders,
(00:58:46):
but I've always just kind of claimed that I was afraid of spiders.
(00:58:50):
And then somehow...
(00:58:53):
Well,
(00:58:54):
first off,
(00:58:55):
Lucy loves bugs,
(00:58:56):
which is really interesting because a year and a half ago,
(00:58:59):
she would scream if a fly got anywhere near her.
(00:59:01):
So it's like, we've done this complete 180, but I'm cool with it.
(00:59:07):
And between her and then somehow on,
(00:59:11):
these like YouTube shorts feed, these adorable spider videos started showing up.
(00:59:18):
And they're these people who keep like these tiny,
(00:59:21):
tiny,
(00:59:22):
tiny spiders and they put like digital eyes on them and they like crawl around and
(00:59:27):
they make these storylines.
(00:59:28):
And now I'm like, oh my God, these spiders are so cute.
(00:59:32):
And it just completely,
(00:59:34):
like,
(00:59:34):
just like that,
(00:59:35):
my perspective was changed because I was allowed myself to be open and willing to
(00:59:42):
learn about someone else.
(00:59:45):
And,
(00:59:45):
like,
(00:59:46):
that is all we need to be doing because no one is killing each other over the fact
(00:59:52):
that I don't like Oreos very much.
(00:59:54):
Like, that's just my opinion.
(00:59:56):
I don't think they're that good.
(00:59:58):
Whatever.
(00:59:59):
You do you.
(00:59:59):
You don't like artichokes.
(01:00:01):
I get it.
(01:00:03):
but no one's killing each other over that and that's it's it's no different and
(01:00:07):
that infuriates me because you're okay if joe schmo likes you know pickled herring
(01:00:17):
but god forbid he vote for the labor party like yeah right it's just it doesn't
(01:00:23):
make any sense to me and i think that's where i really struggle
(01:00:27):
yeah yeah it's just it's just people just choose to believe in something um i'll
(01:00:33):
tell you a story because i've got a um i've got a tarantula so so i was a little
(01:00:38):
bit scared of spiders so i thought i know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna have a pet
(01:00:42):
tarantula
(01:00:43):
and honestly like ever since i've had her like others all other spiders are like
(01:00:47):
insignificant i just like pick them up and check them out like you know we're
(01:00:50):
bigger than you know way you know you know we're near as big as rose she's a
(01:00:54):
chilian rose i call her rose but i've had her since like um 2007 oh my gosh that's
(01:00:59):
so cool
(01:01:04):
So I don't know how she survived, because I don't think I'm the best spider parent.
(01:01:10):
But she has.
(01:01:11):
And another thing about spiders is that,
(01:01:14):
you know,
(01:01:14):
jumping spiders,
(01:01:15):
which are really small,
(01:01:17):
like for them to jump from one surface to another takes a lot of math.
(01:01:23):
Yeah.
(01:01:23):
I got to work out a lot of maths to go, okay, I'm going to jump.
(01:01:26):
There's wind.
(01:01:27):
There's, you know, how much power to put in all the rest of it to get from.
(01:01:31):
Yeah.
(01:01:32):
It's like they're working out some serious maths to just to do that jump.
(01:01:36):
To figure out how to get there.
(01:01:38):
And you realize, like, they're really intelligent.
(01:01:40):
It's like a small, tiny little spider who's really intelligent.
(01:01:44):
I know.
(01:01:44):
It's so, I feel like.
(01:01:47):
And I don't know if this has been the case for you,
(01:01:49):
but having a child who's so curious has really just expanded my knowledge on things.
(01:02:00):
And I was not aware of how many, like, non-human beings were so intelligent.
(01:02:10):
Just, I mean, their brains work well.
(01:02:14):
well and so many people make it seem like every animal and instinct is just
(01:02:19):
basically an invalid but that's not really the case that's a major thing for me
(01:02:24):
because it does really annoy me how people are completely unaware of how
(01:02:28):
intelligent and emotionally intelligent all creatures are you know even even plants
(01:02:34):
react to music you know if you have a plant and you play really nice music it'll
(01:02:40):
it'll it'll go towards it and if you play like
(01:02:43):
heavy rock, it'll grow away from it.
(01:02:47):
So everything is emotional, you know, from all animals and everything else.
(01:02:51):
So yeah,
(01:02:52):
we just miss out on so much because I feel we're such an arrogant species that we
(01:02:56):
believe no one is as intelligent as us.
(01:03:00):
And it's like, they're just different.
(01:03:04):
They may not be able to speak,
(01:03:06):
but I have more conversations with my dog than I do with a lot of other people.
(01:03:11):
I literally, one of them has passed out right now.
(01:03:15):
His paws are like moving in the wind because he's dreaming.
(01:03:19):
But I talk to them probably more than I talk to regular adults on a day-to-day
(01:03:24):
basis because I don't hardly interact with adults.
(01:03:28):
You know what they're feeling and what they want and they know what you want.
(01:03:32):
Yeah, exactly.
(01:03:34):
And like even...
(01:03:37):
This is where this is one of those moments where to me,
(01:03:40):
it's very obvious that animals and other beings have,
(01:03:45):
you know,
(01:03:45):
emotions and feelings and thoughts.
(01:03:49):
After Lily died, our dog Piper was so depressed.
(01:03:55):
I had to hand feed her piece by piece for two days straight because otherwise she would not eat.
(01:04:01):
She was so depressed.
(01:04:02):
She was so sad.
(01:04:04):
And it's so hard.
(01:04:05):
Those moments broke my heart because I couldn't explain it to her.
(01:04:10):
There's no way for me to get...
(01:04:12):
her to understand in her language that her best friend is now gone completely gone
(01:04:18):
because that's i mean they were best friends which i didn't think would ever happen
(01:04:22):
that my my daughter who has such a a short life would have a very very best friend
(01:04:27):
but i mean those things alone are proof to me that there's so much more we don't
(01:04:36):
understand about just life in general and you know
(01:04:43):
People joke like, oh, these are my fur babies.
(01:04:46):
But I do understand it, especially for the people who can't have children or really don't want children.
(01:04:53):
If you really don't want children, you should not have children.
(01:04:55):
Like, that's just how that should be.
(01:04:58):
You shouldn't be shamed for that.
(01:05:00):
You need to want to have children to have children.
(01:05:03):
Otherwise, it's, you know, you're going to end up with a long, painful journey.
(01:05:07):
Yeah, that's going to be a long 18 years.
(01:05:10):
Yeah.
(01:05:15):
So how long have you and your wife been married?
(01:05:16):
Do you know what?
(01:05:19):
We're getting married on Saturday.
(01:05:20):
Okay, okay, okay.
(01:05:31):
Like officially or formally or you're just having a wedding?
(01:05:36):
No, officially.
(01:05:39):
We live in a little village, and we're getting married at the church.
(01:05:43):
It's just a small wedding,
(01:05:45):
and then we're going to a pub about a mile away,
(01:05:49):
and we're going to have a little sort of lunch-dinner type thing.
(01:05:52):
Oh, that'll be fun.
(01:05:54):
Yeah.
(01:05:57):
So how did you guys meet then?
(01:06:01):
She worked at one of my customers.
(01:06:03):
Oh, okay, okay.
(01:06:04):
Which is handy.
(01:06:06):
Yes.
(01:06:07):
Handidating to run your own business and go out and meet lots of customers.
(01:06:13):
So did you meet her before you started doing all of this like personal development
(01:06:18):
work or did you meet her after?
(01:06:21):
Uh,
(01:06:22):
just after,
(01:06:22):
and it was really,
(01:06:24):
it was really,
(01:06:24):
it just felt really right because I think,
(01:06:28):
um,
(01:06:29):
you know,
(01:06:29):
we,
(01:06:30):
we,
(01:06:30):
uh,
(01:06:31):
we were both with someone at the time,
(01:06:33):
so we would just meet for dog walks and stuff like that.
(01:06:35):
So we,
(01:06:36):
we weren't obviously seeing each other,
(01:06:37):
but we were just meeting up and getting to know each other.
(01:06:40):
And I definitely feel like that was really good that we,
(01:06:44):
I feel it's so important to get to know someone,
(01:06:47):
um,
(01:06:48):
before just jumping into bed kind of thing.
(01:06:52):
Because I think that's a massive problem, certainly in Western cultures.
(01:06:55):
Like you meet someone in a nightclub, you go, oh, you look nice.
(01:06:58):
And then they jump into bed and then suddenly one of,
(01:07:00):
you know,
(01:07:00):
then she gets pregnant and then you're dealing with,
(01:07:03):
and you just go on this ride.
(01:07:05):
Yeah.
(01:07:06):
you know, rather than actually that's what you wanted kind of thing.
(01:07:09):
You just kind of like, hold on a minute.
(01:07:11):
I almost didn't get a say in what was happening.
(01:07:15):
Yeah.
(01:07:16):
But definitely getting to know each other, I think was really good.
(01:07:19):
And then,
(01:07:22):
and that journey,
(01:07:24):
that personal development stuff I did just really changed me massively and just
(01:07:29):
changed just the way I looked at life and everything else.
(01:07:33):
And I think,
(01:07:36):
And again, it was perfect.
(01:07:37):
You know, I always say she's my best creation.
(01:07:41):
I love that.
(01:07:44):
So,
(01:07:46):
yeah,
(01:07:47):
but it's just,
(01:07:48):
it was all just perfect kind of,
(01:07:51):
you know,
(01:07:52):
meeting her and she's done a bit of the work as well.
(01:07:54):
And we both have a coach that we catch up with every two weeks kind of thing just
(01:08:00):
to keep us going and keep us on track.
(01:08:04):
That's so awesome.
(01:08:05):
That is like,
(01:08:06):
to me,
(01:08:06):
how all couples could,
(01:08:08):
should function because like,
(01:08:10):
that's something D and I,
(01:08:11):
you know,
(01:08:12):
our biggest thing is we both know we have a lot of stuff that we have to unfuck.
(01:08:19):
You know, he's had just as much trauma as me.
(01:08:22):
It's just different.
(01:08:23):
And he's also been divorced and he had a traumatic marriage just as much.
(01:08:29):
And so someone asked me the other day, they're like,
(01:08:34):
are you sure you want to marry that?
(01:08:35):
And I was like, I don't think you understand.
(01:08:37):
No one's ever going to be perfect.
(01:08:39):
And he's aware of these problems.
(01:08:42):
If he wasn't aware of these problems, we would have a different story.
(01:08:45):
Or if he was aware of them and refused not to work on them, also a different story.
(01:08:50):
Very different conversation.
(01:08:51):
Very different story.
(01:08:52):
But you know,
(01:08:54):
That's not what's happening.
(01:08:55):
He knows his challenges.
(01:08:57):
I know my challenges and we try really hard to keep each other accountable in a
(01:09:01):
gentle way that is supportive and encouraging,
(01:09:05):
but doesn't let us just fall off and stop paying attention to that stuff anymore.
(01:09:11):
So you mentioned the jumping into bed thing,
(01:09:14):
and I know you know that my relationship with Dee did not form a normal way,
(01:09:20):
but I do think,
(01:09:23):
like you were saying,
(01:09:24):
you guys were just meeting up,
(01:09:25):
getting to know each other.
(01:09:26):
And even though we were having sex and that's how our premise started,
(01:09:32):
i think it took a lot of everything else off the table for us and lowered a lot of
(01:09:38):
the walls that probably would have been there had we you know gone into it with
(01:09:45):
both of us being single i and i know for me that i think he probably would have saw
(01:09:49):
a different person had you know i had i've been single and i think that was ended
(01:09:56):
up being a blessing in disguise it's silly because yeah while you're doing all this
(01:10:00):
up like
(01:10:03):
And at the same time,
(01:10:04):
you know,
(01:10:04):
it really,
(01:10:07):
he was very,
(01:10:10):
very walled up,
(01:10:11):
very cautious,
(01:10:12):
very jaded,
(01:10:12):
understandably so.
(01:10:15):
I was so emotionally all over the place.
(01:10:19):
And with the type of, you know, relationship that we did have, all it was
(01:10:29):
like for, you know, a few months was purely weed and sex and, but the sex wasn't normal.
(01:10:37):
So the very basis of it was trust and just ironic because I lied to him the whole time.
(01:10:46):
But in terms of like that side,
(01:10:48):
there was no hesitancy in being open and discussing things and that kind of stuff.
(01:10:53):
And
(01:10:54):
because of that once the time finally came for me to be truthful about everything i
(01:10:59):
was able to which was you know a completely different story from most of my life um
(01:11:06):
and so that was really
(01:11:08):
You know, you're saying perfect.
(01:11:09):
And to me, that was like just another sign that he was my soulmate.
(01:11:14):
He's the perfect person for me because I've never been able to be that truthful with literally anyone.
(01:11:20):
And I still struggle to be that truthful with anyone but him.
(01:11:23):
Like him, no problem.
(01:11:25):
But with everybody else, it's still like...
(01:11:28):
struggle to not let my actual human being out because sometimes it's scary but one
(01:11:36):
of the biggest things for me was um was doing a lot of work on my heart
(01:11:41):
And it's so bizarre.
(01:11:42):
I find it bizarre because I'm really like,
(01:11:45):
I'm really,
(01:11:45):
I'm an athlete and I spend my life in gym and all the rest of it.
(01:11:50):
So I'm quite a, like, I would say like quite an alpha male.
(01:11:53):
And then I start talking about my heart and love and all the rest of it.
(01:11:57):
And even my head, I'm going like, that's so bizarre.
(01:12:00):
Because I'm almost like the last person to be talking about that sort of thing.
(01:12:05):
But it really has been so life-changing.
(01:12:07):
Like just allowing yourself to be loved was probably the biggest thing.
(01:12:13):
It was probably the biggest change, actually allowing yourself to be loved.
(01:12:17):
That's really changing.
(01:12:20):
And,
(01:12:21):
again,
(01:12:22):
I talk about unconditional love all the time,
(01:12:24):
and it's just sending out love to people and just loving people.
(01:12:27):
Yeah.
(01:12:27):
Yeah.
(01:12:29):
because that's what we do that that was came up in one of your newsletters recently
(01:12:34):
yeah was sending out unconditional love to people and that really made me stop and
(01:12:40):
pause and like reflect and think about that and think about you know who who could
(01:12:45):
i send some unconditional love to and i never thought about doing it that way but
(01:12:50):
It was like, duh.
(01:12:51):
I just, you know, and I thought that was amazing.
(01:12:58):
And it also made me think,
(01:13:00):
I'm going to share your sub stack with Andrew Eloise,
(01:13:04):
because one of the things they struggle with is they do not see or have not been
(01:13:10):
able to find,
(01:13:11):
you know,
(01:13:12):
that stuff.
(01:13:14):
cishet alpha male type man who is willing to talk about their heart and their
(01:13:20):
feelings and their emotions because everyone around them is no men don't do that
(01:13:27):
exactly yeah you know flex our muscles growl burp whatever you know all of that
(01:13:33):
stuff that i just don't understand how that defines you as a man um because he or
(01:13:40):
they they you know they really
(01:13:45):
that really bothered them,
(01:13:46):
especially when they,
(01:13:48):
they were like,
(01:13:49):
I have so many feelings and they had no one to talk to about those feelings.
(01:13:54):
That wasn't a girl.
(01:13:56):
And even then a lot of girls were not comfortable.
(01:13:59):
And I get that.
(01:14:00):
I would have been one of those girls two and a half years ago,
(01:14:04):
not comfortable talking about those emotions.
(01:14:07):
So, um,
(01:14:10):
I'm definitely going to share you with them because I think they would benefit a
(01:14:13):
lot from what you write and how you write.
(01:14:17):
And I also think this is going to sound funny, but
(01:14:20):
they're very auditory like i am and so i think them listening to you would really
(01:14:28):
help you really should narrate books like you and georgia claire like both of you
(01:14:33):
should be narrating books and like documentaries and i i won't listen to certain
(01:14:41):
people because of their voices like i have to the voice has to work for me but
(01:14:45):
there is something so like
(01:14:48):
this voice needs to be in more places.
(01:14:53):
And I really struggle with it as well sometimes.
(01:14:56):
Yeah.
(01:14:57):
Sometimes I have to, like, I mess it up and I have to do it again.
(01:15:01):
Then I mess it up again.
(01:15:01):
I'm like, oh, God.
(01:15:03):
Okay.
(01:15:04):
Come on.
(01:15:04):
Let's sort this out.
(01:15:08):
yeah you're definitely uh definitely better with that than i am i'm just like ah it
(01:15:12):
i'll just keep going keep going yeah who cares everyone knows i'm chaotic to begin
(01:15:18):
with so it's like i'll just lean into it a little bit more but okay so we are about
(01:15:25):
90 minutes in um i want to be respectful of your time i have no clue what time it
(01:15:30):
is wherever you are um uh it is half three in the afternoon
(01:15:36):
okay that's not awful that's not awful i was trying to get three in the morning
(01:15:42):
well so that's funny i'm sure you know who alexander j porter is yes yeah okay so
(01:15:50):
he's in australia um our podcast comes out today that it was turkey
(01:15:56):
It was real tricky finding a time where both of us could match up in our time zones.
(01:16:02):
That was difficult, but we did it.
(01:16:04):
We accomplished it in one of the mornings.
(01:16:06):
We did start at six in the morning for me, but it was fine.
(01:16:10):
I was already up.
(01:16:11):
So,
(01:16:12):
you know,
(01:16:12):
but is there anything that you really wanted to talk about or wanted to share with
(01:16:17):
people or wanted to ask me or anything like that?
(01:16:22):
I don't think so.
(01:16:23):
I mean, just on the unconditional love thing is really great for conflict resolution.
(01:16:32):
And I've used that a number of times with amazing results.
(01:16:39):
Yeah, I guess just something to be aware of all the time is what, what your end result is.
(01:16:44):
Yeah.
(01:16:44):
You know,
(01:16:44):
when,
(01:16:45):
when,
(01:16:45):
when something's going on,
(01:16:47):
you know,
(01:16:48):
there's some kind of conflict that's like,
(01:16:49):
okay,
(01:16:50):
be clear on what your end result is.
(01:16:51):
It's like, what do you, what do you want out of it?
(01:16:54):
And being clear about that really helps things.
(01:16:57):
And then,
(01:16:57):
like I say,
(01:16:58):
when,
(01:16:58):
when there's difficult people around you,
(01:17:00):
sending them love makes all the difference in the world.
(01:17:04):
Um,
(01:17:06):
yeah i think the last thing i want to mention which which i have again i've written
(01:17:10):
about is around around conflict again is that when you when you get upset about
(01:17:16):
something like in a relationship or something like it's it's not about that thing
(01:17:21):
that's in front of you it's about a memory so you actually get upset about a past
(01:17:27):
memory and you're reacting to that past memory oh that's so true
(01:17:33):
And that's really,
(01:17:34):
again,
(01:17:35):
that's just really about awareness and going,
(01:17:38):
actually,
(01:17:38):
we're having this massive fight.
(01:17:40):
And I'm thinking subconsciously, obviously, it's actually about a past event.
(01:17:45):
And on the other side, they're thinking about a past event.
(01:17:48):
So you're actually arguing about something that probably happened five, ten years ago.
(01:17:53):
And you're arguing about it now.
(01:17:54):
But you're not aware that you're arguing about it now.
(01:17:56):
So it's really bizarre how things work.
(01:18:00):
yeah i literally just talked about something like this with terry lee she had me on
(01:18:04):
to do like a reading for her and we were talking about that when i get triggered in
(01:18:13):
confrontation it has nothing to do with the actual person yeah and so learning to
(01:18:20):
accept the unconditional love from
(01:18:23):
the original person is how i can work on you know eliminating that trigger and it's working
(01:18:32):
So that's good.
(01:18:33):
So like you said, it really, it really does work.
(01:18:38):
So, well, it has been an absolute pleasure having you on the podcast.
(01:18:42):
And I'm really thankful that you, you know, reached out and that we were able to coordinate everything.
(01:18:48):
And I will make sure that everybody knows where to find you.
(01:18:51):
That'll be in the show notes.
(01:18:54):
And yeah, I think we're, we're good to go.
(01:18:59):
So thank you so much.
(01:19:01):
And.
(01:19:01):
We will talk to you later.
(01:19:03):
Thank you.
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